Who it turned out was actually a sort of murderous ... forest ... spirit?
... In stone-washed denim.
Look, it was the 90s.
The thing about villains is that they are entirely human, outfitted with understandably human motivations.
What's more, they have a plan. That's what truly separates them from generic bad guys and monsters: TV's best villains play the long game. Episode after episode, season after season, they plot and scheme and wait, tenting their fingers.
And not only do they have a plan, they're only too happy to share it with anyone in earshot.
The past is over and nothing can change it, but let me tell you something, Krystle. The future is going to be very different, because in a very short time, this faultless family is going to be hearing from me — including you! And you especially are going to cringe at what you hear! Krystle Jennings Carrington! The oh-so-sterling once — and maybe future— secretary!
But then something happened.
Anti-heroes happened; the bad guys became our good guys. We started building shows around ruthless mobsters, drug kingpins, womanizing cads. They do lots of villainous things — Tony Soprano murdered his own nephew, for pity's sake — but now they're the characters with whom we're meant to identify.
To be sure to keep our sympathies, writers are careful to show these anti-heroes forever struggling with their actions.
If I ever hear of another time when she has breathed a word about Fallon's paternity, I will personally attach tiny hand grenades to each of the wheels on her roller skates, watch her do one of her ever-loving pirouettes, and applaud as she explodes into a thousand smithereens!
Granted, the many anti-hero shows we have today are a lot more nuanced and wise about the human condition than a show like Dynasty ever was. Of course they are. But they're also a lot less fun.
That's key to understanding why The Walking Dead and Game of Thrones are two of TV's most-watched programs right now. Not because of their monsters — the zombies and fire-breathing dragons are gimmicks — but because they both feature old-fashioned villains: men and women with elaborate plans, who are fun to watch.
The only way to keep the small folk loyal is to make certain they fear you more than they do the enemy. Remember that, if you ever hope to become queen.See? That's more like it. I perhaps don't need to point out that as she says all that, she swirls and guzzles a huge goblet of red wine.
Alexis would be proud.
